For the first post I’d like to talk about something that I’ve seen a lot in recent years at junior tournaments: hyper competitiveness at a young age.
There’s a video I can’t seem to find any more taken at the British Junior Open where it showed the losers of matches and how they reacted. Floods of tears, shouting at the referees, upset children. This was marketed as a reason to encourage your child to play!
There’s always going to be internal pressure the child puts on themselves and pressure from peers that you can’t do anything about. My main concern is the overly pushy and aggressive parents.
I was once at an u11 tournament where a child was playing (and doing quite well, she had reached the semi-finals I believe). She lost the first game in a close one. For those familiar with the majority of junior squash at the lower age groups, players go on runs of points as a lot of services are not returned or returned very poorly. This was no exception, and the game/match was essentially a lottery as to who could win more points against the service.
What was absolutely horrible to see was what happened when she came out, the parent shouted at the child for “not trying hard enough” and brought the poor girl to tears. She went back in and lost the match in five sets (clearly upset for most of it) and that was the end of her tournament.
Now there are two ways to look at that, one that the child was upset and didn’t enjoy her game. The other that the parent caused her to lose the match that she could have won. To be blunt I really don’t care about the second part. If you are more interested in your kid winning at u11’s instead of having an enjoyable time then that’s your call but I expect most coaches won’t want to deal with you.
My main regret from that entire experience is that I didn’t take that parent aside and explain that this behavior wasn’t acceptable at our club. I shouldn’t have gone charging in and shouting at the parent in front of the child, satisfying as that would be for me. A quiet word afterwards would have been the better plan but I didn’t do anything.
I’m not against the child winning matches, in fact I do agree with Brad Gilbert in his excellent book “Winning Ugly” , “You only play to have fun, well I have more fun when I win!” . There is great satisfaction in playing well, coming through a tough match and gaining confidence in yourself.
My personal favorite coaching moment still has to be coaching our u13 county team a good few years ago. I had this nice, quiet kid who lacked confidence but had good fundamentals from his club coach. He went into the final match of the tournament against a kid roughly the same level as him. He lost the first game badly and the second in a tie-break. He came outside in tears, trembling uncontrollably, talking about how he wasn’t good enough and he was bad at the game and saying sorry over and over again.
We got him calmed down and told him to stop worrying about the result and to go back in and hit the most stupid, fun shots he could think of. Not traditional coaching methods but what he needed at the time.
He went back in and hit a few terrible balls but didn’t mind this time. Then he hit a few good ones. Then a few great ones. Suddenly he was at game ball and didn’t seem as nervous. He took the third and we went back to him with the same plan, “have fun”, “enjoy it”, “you’re doing great!” The fourth was over in a flash and he was absolutely bouncing at this point. He had a massive grin and couldn’t wait to get back in.
His opponent rallied well and managed to take a really close fifth set but it didn’t matter to our junior. His team mates (with a gentle nudge from us) gave him a massive cheer and back slaps when he came out. That change never really left him.
Gone was the quiet shy kid and in years since this he has improved immeasurably, in fact to the point where I now refuse to play him as I would get beaten too badly.
The difference in those two events is simple. In one case the child was put first, their enjoyment of the game put above the result. In the other, the result was paramount.
For any parents reading this I would ask the first simple question, what is you primary goal for your child’s participation in the sport. Is it to play, have fun, be active, gain confidence, improve etc… or is it to win matches, make teams and compete professionally?
Bear that in mind at their next match